The Scary Side of Summer

Eight Hidden Dangers to Watch Out for When School Is Out of Session

Ahh, summer. Here come those lazy days of free time, mall trips, hanging out with friends, summer camp shenanigans, and blissful beach trips. As school winds down and the thermometer begins its sweltering climb, most parents are in the throes of making summer plans for their children. With Tyler heading to soccer camp and Megan signed up for summer camp at the YMCA, you may feel good about the upcoming season. But don't let summer's carefree reputation fool you, says parenting and education expert Dr. Maryln Appelbaum—the season is filled with hidden dangers.

The changing of the guard. During the school year you get to know the teachers and leaders who take care of your children very, very well. In the summer, you may not have that luxury. Kids often transition from one activity to the next in a matter of days, and the people to whom you are entrusting your children's safety change right along with them. Plus, many summer activities are overseen by young people who may not necessarily have the maturity or experience to keep kids safe.

"Do not just assume that because someone is employed by a summer program that you should trust them, no questions asked. Before each new transition, do your research. Ask around—even if it means calling the program and asking for references and qualifications of their employees. There are fewer systems of checks and balances for these programs, and if parents don't hold them accountable, who will?"

Overnight stays. With school out of session and early mornings a distant memory, kids are eager to pack their sleeping bags and stay up all night at a friend's house. Or perhaps they are ready to head off to sleep-away summer camps for days, and even weeks, at a time.

"Don't hesitate to ask as many questions as it takes until you feel satisfied about your child's safety. Ask for background checks or references for camp counselors; call other parents you know and trust to inquire about the parents in charge of this weekend's sleepover—anything to get the information you need. And as uncomfortable as it may be for you, sit your children down and talk to them about the difference between a 'good touch' and a 'bad touch' and that it is okay to tell an adult 'no.' You just can't afford to risk it."

Swimming. Summer and swimming are as inseparable as peanut butter and jelly. Almost any day camp or summer camp your kids participate in will involve some type of water-based activity. That's why, if your child is a land lover and hasn't quite taken to the water yet, now is the time to change it.

"If you have a child who isn't a strong swimmer, or one who is uncomfortable around the water, enroll him in swimming lessons today," warns Appelbaum. "You cannot be totally dependent on the camp counselors and lifeguards to keep your child safe in the water. There will be a lot of children in the water for them to watch over—and unlike you, they won't be focused solely on your child—so it's your responsibility to make sure he or she is a strong and confident swimmer."

Sunburn. You may not realize how much sun exposure your kids are getting during their days at summer camps. Just because Timmy is going to science camp doesn't mean he won't be outside at some point during the day.

"Make lathering on a layer of sunscreen part of your child's morning routine," suggests Appelbaum. "Talk about the importance of keeping skin safe, and encourage children to reapply throughout the day, particularly if they are going to be playing sports or swimming. It is also well within your rights to make a special requests of any counselors or supervisors to ensure your child stays coated in SPF throughout the day."

Injuries. Enrolling kids in outdoor activities and sports camps ups the injury ante considerably and you should be prepared for what hurts may come through your door each evening. Pay close attention to even the smallest injuries. Cuts and scrapes can become infected, and even minor sprains that go untreated can become inflamed and more serious. By taking care to treat the injuries (even the minor ones) from their onset, you decrease the risk of long-lasting effects and increase the fun your kids can have for the rest of the summer.

"If you notice limping or any other symptom, question your child closely. Ask coaches and counselors to keep you in the know. And keep your medicine cabinet stocked with bandages and antibacterial ointment, ice packs and aspirin—and make your kids take a break when they need time to heal."

Dehydration. Kids don't understand the importance of staying hydrated, or the very real dangers of summer heat. It's up to you to make sure that they are ready to wet their whistle in the mid-afternoon sun.
"Water isn't the beverage of choice for most children, so you have to make it more appealing," explains Appelbaum. "At the beginning of the summer, take your children out shopping to pick out their own special water bottle. Make sure that you send them out with it each day, no matter if they are headed to soccer camp or next door to play. Children are very susceptible to dehydration in the hot summer months, so making a point to keep them drinking throughout the day should be a big priority."

Free time. Some of the biggest joys of summer revolve around what kids don't have to do: no homework, no band practice, no SCHOOL. But the resulting vacuum of unoccupied time forces kids to find other ways to fill it, which means more work for parents on the watchdog front. If your kids are eager to grab the remote, or the laptop, XBOX, or cell phone, it means that you will have to be at the top of your guardian game. Along with the glories of technology come the dangers of your children being exposed to things you can't control: websites and online predators, mature television shows, and violent video games. Appelbaum says that preventive action is a must.

"Make a list of potential techno-dangers and create a plan of action," she suggests. "Install software on your computer that limits the Internet sites your children are allowed to access. Use parental monitors on your televisions to limit their exposure to inappropriate shows and movies. And if you've allowed your kids to have a cell phone, particularly one with texting capabilities, set up some strict ground rules and monitor their usage each day. Check their texting log every morning and evening. It's a reality of modern life that kids can get into serious trouble even when they're right in the next room."

Peer pressure. Summer comes with less structure and more freedom, especially for older kids, and along with that freedom comes more opportunity to get into trouble. Perhaps your child is with a whole different set of friends (whose parents you may not know), and chances are good that even the most reputable summer camp or day camp program has one or two "rebels" in its midst who want to break the rules. And no matter how careful you've been to teach your child the difference between right and wrong, you can never underestimate the power of peer pressure.

Of course, all the precautions in the world can't replace that small inner voice of parental instinct, says Appelbaum.

"If something doesn't feel quite right, it probably isn't," she notes. "Trust your parental radar. You can keep it honed by staying in close contact with all the caregivers in your children's life, getting to know their friends, carefully watching their behavior, and always, always, always keeping the lines of communication open. There's no better safety net for your children than you—and you can and will make this the best, safest summer your family has ever had."

How To Protect Your Kids From The Recession

Whether you’ve been hit hard by the recession or not, kids and families may be reeling from the effects of the troubled times without a frame of reference for how tough it is out there.

Arun Abey, former investment strategist and author of the book How Much is Enough, from Greenleaf Book Group Press (www.howmuchisenough.net), believes that parents don’t just need to teach their kids about finances, but also about the relationship between money and quality of life.

“It’s not easy to say that money isn’t everything in a recession, but it isn’t,” Abey said. “It’s so easy to fall into the trap of making sure your kids understand the importance of making a good living financially, but if we leave out the part about lasting fulfillment in their careers, we’re shortchanging them. It leads to the avaricious corporate behavior that has been rampant in recent years where people pursue ever more money with no sense of meaning or perspective.”

Still, Abey also believes we need to get our kids smart about finances early to help protect them now and in the future. To that end, he offers some basic tips for families who want to get themselves – and their kids – smart now about financial matters.

• Don’t Let Money Be Invisible – Working-class families during the Great Depression routinely set jars out in full view of the family marked ‘Rent,” “Food,” “Clothes,” and so on, showing everyone where the money went. Today, money comes out of ATMs, and is spent via debit cards and credit cards – invisible to kids as to where it comes from and where it goes. Kids lack a frame of reference.

• Give Kids Responsibility for Spending – One of the ways to get kids smart fast is to present a situation in which real consequences exist, by placing them in charge of their discretionary spending. If they receive an allowance, then parents should require their kids to map out the money they have coming and also where it goes. Seeing it on paper or in a computer chart will give them a sense of reality about their money, and also build healthy financial habits they will cling to in later life.

• Teach the Power of Investment – A typical method parents use to get kids interested in saving money is to help them set up a savings account. The part that is often left out regard the value of that investment. Parents should spell it out. For example, a simple investment of $100 in a basic savings account can result in a balance of $12,000 after 20 years. If they invest that same $100 in a bond or a stock that returns merely 6 percent a year, that balance grows to $42,000-plus.

• For Love or Money? – Most affluent families try to direct their children toward high-earning careers, such as medicine, high finance or business management. Working class families stress education, and also try to drive their kids toward high-status career paths in an effort to help them get out of the pattern of hopelessness and disillusionment that characterizes many of their childhoods. However, there is an alternative method, which directs children toward career paths that stress their passions, what they love to do. This path stresses lasting fulfillment over financial rewards, even though, in many cases, people wind up with both by following this path. Ask your kids what they are passionate about and what they are good at. The answers to those questions will lead to a happier life and a better quality of life than one centered on the pursuit of the almighty dollar.

“I can’t think of a more important moment in America’s history to teach these lessons,” Abey said. “The current financial crisis, caused equally by reckless bankers as well as uninformed consumers, underscores the need for this kind of education and understanding. It’s critical not just for mom and dad, but for the whole family, if future generations have a hope of being spared the pitfalls that led to today’s crisis.”

Four Rules for Sharing Bad News with Your Children in an Economic Crisis

ou can’t turn on the television anymore without hearing words that make you want to reach for the mute button: economy, recession, layoffs, crisis. You hear them all day at work, too, in the form of rumors and speculation from worried coworkers. And here’s the thing: If you’re constantly immersed in economic anxiety, it’s likely your kids are too. Chances are you’ve already fielded some tough questions: What does “recession” mean? Why did my best friend’s dad lose his job? And maybe even Mom, are we going to have to move out of our house like our neighbors did?

So what is the best way to keep your kids informed without oversharing and creating needless anxiety? Here are four tips from the workplace to keep in mind:

Never say never. When a university management team shared with their employees they would be able to avoid layoffs by cutting jobs through attrition, they lost credibility when the budget worsened and layoffs became inevitable. The lesson? Absolutes backfire. It’s important, with employees as well as with your children, not to make promises that aren’t within your power to keep.

“Never say never to children,” advises Woolf. “For example, you don’t want to say, ‘Mommy will never lose her job’ or ‘We’ll always have our house.’ You may feel certain today, but circumstances can always change, and making these rigid statements will put your credibility on the line. Instead, reassure them with the truth. Tell them that no matter what happens, your family will stick it out together. That’s one promise you know you will always be able to keep.”

Keep quiet until you have specific plans. An executive director of a non-profit organization told her staff that if their big funders discontinued their grants, layoffs were inevitable. Unfortunately, she released this information before she had a plan for handling her employees’ inevitably negative reactions. Questions, which she couldn’t answer, started pouring in: Who would be laid off first? When would there be definite news about the funders continuing their grants? In the end, not having solid information for them further damaged their morale and the director’s reputation. With kids, too, caution should be the rule of the day. If you are thinking about selling your house or relocating for a new job, wait to share the news with your kids until you know as many details as possible.

“Our kids consider what we tell them to be the absolute truth,” warns Woolf. “If you tell them the family might be moving, they will take that to mean that you are moving, and it may cause them unnecessary stress and worry. Children, especially those who are of school age, thrive on consistency. The thought of changing their lives, their home, and their friends, can be traumatic for them. Plus, if the move doesn’t happen, it can be hard for them to process what they are supposed to believe.

“Of course, you have to balance truth and secrecy,” she adds. “If your child asks you point-blank, ‘Mommy, are you going to lose your job?’ tell her, ‘I don’t know yet,’ and then add reasonable reassurance. And don’t wait until the last minute to spring bad news on your kids. Do that and they’ll think you’ve been keeping a secret from them. Be as honest and open with them as often as you can.”

Share a unified message. In the business world, when a management team leaks conflicting information, rumors fly and fear and distrust rise. In one instance, the director of nursing at a hospital leaked that there would be no staff cuts. At the same time, the administrative director shared a less reassuring message—that cuts were unlikely but possible. The mixed messages left staff feeling confused and skeptical. At home, make sure you and your partner are in agreement about what to share and what to keep quiet.

“During any kind of crisis that involves your family, the number one priority should be maintaining the lines of communication between you and your partner,” asserts Woolf. “Make sure that the two of you are on the same page as far as what you will and will not share with the children. And if you have a big announcement, tell your children together to ensure a unified message is conveyed. Seeing the two of you as a unified front will reassure them that you are working together as a family through whatever may come your way.”

Give them something to do to help. One of the worst parts of any crisis is feeling helpless to do anything about it. At the office, employees may be wringing their hands instead of helping to improve your company’s bottom line, simply because they don’t know what they can do. The same is true at home. Children are especially prone to feeling helpless, particularly in an economic crisis that they may not fully understand. Getting them involved will empower them and make them feel better about the situation at hand.

“Explain to your kids that saving money is very important right now,” suggests Woolf. “Then ask them to help you brainstorm ways the family can save money. And give them a money-saving task that is their responsibility, like turning off lights in unoccupied rooms or gathering old toys and making posters for a family yard sale. Get them involved with lowering your grocery bill by clipping coupons together on Sunday afternoons, or having them help hunt for bargains at the store. Not only will they feel good about being involved, but it creates a new way for you to carve out some quality time together.”

“In tough times, it can be easy to focus on all of your problems and end up forgetting how it may be affecting your kids,” says Woolf. “Handling these issues the wrong way can have long-lasting effects on your relationship with them. It may be hard to do, but worrying a little less about your bank account and a little more about your family will do you and your kids some good.
“Remember, while this tough economy is difficult, it also provides us with an opportunity to reevaluate the things in life that truly matter—our families and our children,” she concludes. “Focusing on them instead of the problems plaguing you at work and at home may be the stress reliever you’ve needed all along.”

About the Author:
Jamie Woolf is a regular contributor to Working Mother magazine and founder of The Parent Leader and Pinehurst Consulting, an organization development consulting firm. In her book, Mom-in-Chief: How Wisdom from the Workplace Can Save Your Family from Chaos, Woolf addresses real-life quandaries and covers everything that career-oriented women need to know to unleash their parenting potential and navigate challenges with skill and grace.

Leadership Lessons from the New First Lady

Since Jan. 20, President Barack Obama has been hard at work doing his part to help the nation get back on its feet. And while the Presidency likely means a dream come true and a lot of hard work for him, for his family it means he’s off the campaign trail (at least for a while!) and back at the dinner table. That’s right. The Obamas have a family life, too! And while you may not be discussing national security and the Secret Service as you pass the mashed potatoes each night, you are still facing many of the same challenges as the other head of the first family, our nation’s new first lady and mom-in-chief, Michelle Obama.

“Michelle Obama is the epitome of today’s professional woman,” says Jamie Woolf, author of Mom-in-Chief: How Wisdom from the Workplace Can Save Your Family from Chaos (Jossey-Bass/A Wiley Imprint, February 2009, ISBN: 978-0-4703813-1-1, $22.95). “As a high-powered lawyer and executive administrator, she has never wavered in her commitment to her family. Just like other moms across the country, she has always worked hard at home to ensure that her daughters’ upbringing never suffers despite having two parents with high-powered careers.”

Here are five lessons in leadership that mothers from all walks of life can learn from the nation’s new mom-in-chief:

Being good at your job can make you a better parent. At the end of a long workday, most of us are eager to leave our professional lives at the office. However, says Woolf, the most effective parents are the ones who don’t. In her career in law and public service, Obama has no doubt perfected many of the same skills she’ll use in her role as mom-in-chief, including conflict resolution, communication, multi-tasking, time management, crisis management, and team building.

Motherhood IS a leadership job. By calling herself “mom-in-chief,” Obama sends a strong message that being a mom means being a leader, an attribute that mothers often overlook in their parenting roles. By celebrating her position rather than apologizing for it, she connects the notion of leadership beyond the walls of corporate suites and presidential mansions to the homes of average parents.

Focus on the big picture. Admittedly, this advice can seem vague and perhaps a little overwhelming. We all know how easy it can be to get caught up in the relentless day-to-day scurry of soccer practice, doctor appointments, and packing lunches and forget about the more meaningful goals that we have set for ourselves as parents. Obama is surely no exception to the motherhood mayhem. With two young children and a puppy to corral, and state dinners and sleepovers to host, the first lady will face relentless demands on her time and patience. The trick for her, and for all of us, says Woolf, is making a point to stop and refocus throughout the day so we don’t lose sight of what’s important.

It’s okay to delegate. Obama has at times been the major breadwinner in her family—she was vice-president of community affairs at the University of Chicago Medical Center before she took a leave to join her husband on the campaign trail—and she knows intimately the juggling act working mothers perform every day. No wonder she plans to use her platform as first lady to advocate for policies such as family leave, childcare access, and better healthcare—the issues that allow women to better balance work and family life. In the meantime, however, we need to call on our own support systems…the other people who live under our roof.

Taking care of you should be a priority, not a luxury. With bills to be paid, dinner to be cooked, and homework to be done, it’s hard to imagine finding another second in the day to get things done—let alone to do something like (gasp!) take a bubble bath. With our endlessly competing priorities, taking care of ourselves is often the first thing to go in our lives as parents. Many mothers say making time for exercise, let alone a manicure, feels indulgent. Obama has made it clear that being an effective mom-in-chief means finding the time to rejuvenate. And when we respect ourselves, we model an important lesson for our children. “Hey, we’re the only ones who can take care of ourselves,” she told Ebony magazine, “and it makes us better lawyers, better mothers.”

About the Author: Jamie Woolf is a regular contributor to Working Mother magazine and founder of The Parent Leader and Pinehurst Consulting, an organization development consulting firm. In her book, Mom-in-Chief: How Wisdom from the Workplace Can Save Your Family from Chaos, Woolf addresses real-life quandaries and covers everything that career-oriented women need to know to unleash their parenting potential and navigate challenges with skill and grace.